


Alaska

by TheWhumpTexts



Series: ALASKA [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Abusive William Reid, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAU Fam, BAU family, Baby Spencer - Freeform, Baby Spencer Reid, Cabin Fic, Childish Spencer Reid, Daddy Aaron Hotchner, Depression, Eventual Aaron/Rossi, Gary Michaels is Alive, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Non-Sexual, Non-Sexual Age Play, Non-Sexual Age Regression, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Aaron Hotchner, Regressed!Spencer, Sad Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, Spencer Reid Whump, Spencer is little, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, TW FOR NAUSEA/VOMITTING IN CHAP 3, Therapy, Winter, mislabelled a tag before about derek/aaron srryy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:35:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28285566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWhumpTexts/pseuds/TheWhumpTexts
Summary: Alaska had changed them all. Exponentially, it seemed. Just like the ravaging, sleeting snow that landed on their log cabins, the members of the BAU were thrown into a whirlwind that would end up shaping their lives forever.[full of whump and fluff, cause that's my drug of choice]
Relationships: (eventually), Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan
Series: ALASKA [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2144973
Comments: 14
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I researched the area and town and all, but it is really hard to work on winter imagery with google street view WHEN THE GOOGLE CAR DOESN'T DRIVE IN THE SNOW. Also, Alaskan darkness is confusing af so lets not think about that.
> 
> PS- everything is going to be in metric because FUCK the imperial system:)

**INTRO:**

_***Beep Beep*** _

"Shit…" Aaron Hotchner whispered, moving his iPhone away from his ear as the tone of a dropped call echoed out of it. 

_'Strauss will just have to wait'_ He thought in irritation as he hit the home button with the pad of his thumb.

Cell Service in the town of Anchorage, Alaska was spotty with his carrier, and he couldn't wait to get out of the frozen tundra him and his team were currently in. Of course the scenery was beautiful; with its high mountains and clear sky, but Aaron was freezing in the bone chilling January weather, and annoyed at the amount of clothing he had to wear every time he left the confines of the cabin they were staying in. Frankly, he just wanted to get back to his nice, forested neighbourhood in Triangle, Virginia. He sighed, unzipping his jacket pocket and sliding his phone into it. He then took a leisurely look around the surrounding area of Acre's Supply store, waiting for Spencer, Derek and JJ to finish up shopping.

It was a small locally owned store, made out of red brick. Located on West 53rd Avenue, it stood in the quieter part of town and didn't get much foot traffic by the looks of it; but as Aaron took a look at a passing snow plow, he caught glimpse of a man walking towards the store from across the street. His eyebrows furrowed as his appearance slowly came into view. Grey hiking jacket, blue jeans, black, thin hair…

Aaron felt nauseating jolt when he realized who the man walking up to him was. This man, was much too familiar to Aaron, in the worst possible way. His blood felt like ice as he walked closer, and slowly, his right fist began to curl.

"Hey! Hotchner!" William Reid waved to Aaron, smiling.

That smile, might have seemed normal to any other person, but Aaron saw it for what it was. _A mask_. A mask hiding the evil, _perverted_ , abusive personality that lied beneath. As Aaron took in his rat-like face, he began breathing through his nose, his emotions going completely haywire. He wanted to run at him, to beat the shit out of him; but there was also the overwhelming urge to cry. He fought it all and pursed his lips as his charge's father came closer to him- _his charge,_ who was sexually and physically abused by the man his whole childhood, and who was also Aaron Hotchner's entire world.

When Spencer was just an eighteen year old intern living in the Hotchner basement suite, he had spilled out his deepest secrets to his unit chief after attempting to kill himself. Aaron had found him in the basement bathroom that solemn evening, coming across a scene that would haunt him more than some cases. Spencer, dressed in a grey tee and boxers, was sitting on the cold white tiles, legs spread out and left arm resting on his thigh as blood spilled from fresh wounds he was haphazardly creating. Aaron had fallen to his knees almost immediately as he took in the scene before him, pulling Spencer into his chest and wrestling the razor from his hands as safely as he could.

It was then, that the teenager he had only known for a year, completely _broke_ in his arms. Wretched, desperate sobs left his chest as the two of them sat on the bathroom floor, and Aaron fought the urge to cry himself; feeling so bad that Spencer was experiencing such pain. He had bandaged him accordingly as he held the sobbing teen, despite him trying over and over again to clench his fingers around the area he had cut. The older agent had decided the wounds weren't bad enough for the ER, thank god, so he just grabbed some closure strips, ointment and gauze from the drawer under the sink. Spencer just sobbed the whole time, whispering incoherent words while grasping at Aaron's shirt. When he had begun to whisper words coherently, the unit chief, filled with plummeting sorrow, clued into what had driven Spencer to where he was.

_"-to be d-dirty anymore. Don't w-want to be his."_

_"T-Tired.... d-don't want to 'member... Don't w-want to ' member."_

The thick, heart wrenching sentences stuck with him vividly- to the day.

After that incident in the bathroom, Aaron begun helping Spencer cope with the unimaginable horror he had suffered. He took him from his dark world and showed him one filled with love, acceptance and comfort. He had gotten him into therapy the day after the incident, but a few weeks after that, to deal with the trauma his father had caused, and his attempted suicide, Spencer's brain had begun regressing. He started to regress usually to the ages of eight to ten, and as soon as Aaron had noticed, he had moved him upstairs to make sure he wasn't alone.

The day they had moved him upstairs was a very strange day for Aaron, as it was the first time in his life that he felt complete. Around that time, he had just turned forty and was on the inevitable mid-life crisis train. Having no children, or spouse, Aaron had felt absolutely lost and had no idea where the rest of his life was headed. He always wished for children, for a family, except that meant he had to find a partner, and that was the one department Aaron had never excelled in. But life works in funny ways, and as far as Aaron was concerned, the wayward teen he informally adopted after hiring an intern was his life's blessing. A blessing, that he _fiercely_ protected at every moment.


	2. Void

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron loses his cool, and within an hour, they somehow lose Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The places they are staying at are real rental cabins in Girdwood, Alaska. I'm trying to be more realistic with this story, so the photos on the vibeboard are literally of the cabin they are staying in. Also, a reader pointed out a tag I missed, and if I miss anymore, please feel free to notify me! My work is usually dark af and I don’t wanna trigger anyone. 
> 
> P.S.-  
> Chapter three will probably be up on the 27th if anyone is wondering

**_[RECAP]_ **

_"-and as far as Aaron was concerned, the wayward teen he had hired as the BAU's first intern was his life's blessing. A blessing, that he **fiercely** protected at every moment." _

"How goes things? Spencer inside? I was ju-"

Aaron grabbed William the second he was close to him, shoving him against the windowless wall with a loud thud. Hearing Spencer's name leave his mouth made him sick, and he just _snapped._ He wished he had pushed him onto the train tracks at Quantico Station; years previous, before he knew what he had done.

"You are going to get the _fuck_ out of here and not come near him ever again, do you understand you _disgusting_ piece of shit?"

Aaron was inches away from his face, voice full of menace and eyes glazed over with pure hatred. He could smell cheap cologne on William and fought the overwhelming urge to gag. William looked taken back for a moment before his expression turned to a look of pure anger.

"Get the fuck off of-"

" _DO YOU UNDERSTAND?_ " Aaron yelled loudly, shoving him hard again as he tried to flee.

He wanted him long gone before Spencer came out, not wanting him to have to go through any of this. But as if on cue, the steel door to the supply store swung open loudly, hitting the side of the building with a small tap. Aaron looked to his left to see Spencer walk out, completely focused on a couple pamphlets in his hand that seemed to be brochures about the area. 

"They've got so many cool photos in here, Aaron, you need to see this mou-"

As Spencer looked up at the pair, he stopped dead in his tracks; the snow crunching loudly beneath his feet. A look of pure horror filled his face, his eyes going wide as he took in the image of his father, (or _'monster'_ as they usually referred to him during times of distress) pinned up against the wall. He clenched the pamphlets to his chest tightly as he began to back up, tears visibly welling in his eyes from fear. The door then swung open again, and Derek Morgan walked out, accompanied by Jennifer Jareau. They both looked to Aaron in surprise as they saw what he was doing, their faces falling.

"Hotch! What the hell?!" JJ exclaimed.

"What the fuck are-" Derek stopped as he recognized who Aaron had pinned.

Aaron looked back at William, tightening his grip as he tried to get away again.

"Stay away from me! _All of you!_ " He yelled angrily, and Aaron slammed him once more.

It was almost funny, the sound of slight fear in William's voice. It gave Aaron a twinge of joy he didn't really understand, and he would have laughed about it if Spencer wasn't there.

"Why the fuck are you here?" He spat, and William laughed, looking towards Spencer.

"To see my _son_ of course."

Aaron felt his self-control snap like a twig. He backed up and punched William in the face _hard_ , knocking him to the ground within a second. He began to kick him with powerful force, aiming specifically for the groin. The enraged Unit Chief could hear his friends yelling at him, probably to stop, but it was like water was rushing through his ears- he couldn’t hear anything but the blood pumping through his skull at an alarming rate; it seemed that all of the pent up emotion surrounding Spencer's abuse was coming out in one moment. Every scary memory Spencer had shared with him, every nightmare he explained through breathless tears, was coming out of Aaron in the form of physical anger.

"Hotch, back off!" Derek shouted, attempting to pull him back from William. 

Aaron resisted the strong pull on his shoulders, continuing to kick William with the ultimate goal of damaging his organs.

"Spencer doesn't need to see this, man! Stop!"

Aaron felt guilt build in his chest as he glanced at Spencer, who was looking at the two of them with a wary expression, still clutching his brochures vice-like. He gave one last good kick before he stumbled back, spitting on William for good measure. Just then, rapid footsteps could be heard a few metres away.

"Hey! You two!"

A police officer dressed in a black shirt and blue police vest walked briskly towards them, looking angry, but also confused. He was a taller, bald man, who looked like he had been in the force much longer than Aaron had. William was the first to speak, drudgingly pulling himself off the slushy ground.

"They attacked me! I was just trying to see my son and this man assaulted me!" He was holding his groin and Aaron gritted his teeth as he said the words _'my son'._

Derek interrupted William, standing in front of him as he faced the officer.

"Special Agent Morgan of the BAU, sir." He flashed his badge quickly.

"What's going on?" The man asked, looking at the odd group.

Derek paused for a moment, seemingly at a loss for words.

"I, ah, need this man detained, and if I could talk to you about it at the station, that would be preferable sir."

The officer looked even more confused now, but as he took in the situation, and Spencer's closed off expression, he nodded.

"Alright… but this better be a _good_ explanation, Agent Morgan." He said, and pulled out his handcuffs as he approached William.

"Hey! You can't do this, I didn't do anything!" He protested angrily as his arms were pulled behind his back.

The officer chuckled as he clicked the handcuffs on William's wrists. 

"I think I'll stick to believing the FBI agent instead of the guy who just got the shit kicked out of him." He said before reciting the Miranda Rights.

As Aaron watched the officer push an unwilling William to a squad car a few feet down the road, he thanked his best friend silently for taking care of things so quickly. Derek always was a quick thinker. But now they had a new problem. William knew they knew. And if Aaron knew one thing for certain, it's that monsters like William _really_ don't like being in the limelight. 

"Spence? Honey?"

Aaron whipped his head to his side and saw JJ bent to Spencer's level, rubbing his arm. He held a the blankest stare Aaron had ever seen on him; a huge contrast to the look of fear moments earlier. 

"Spence? Please, talk to me. We're here, we're right here." JJ's voice was wavering; her too, never having seen such a void look on her best friend's face.

Aaron frowned in worry, and walked swiftly over to their youngest. When Spencer had started regressing, he would often not talk at times or ignore Aaron, but he was always doing _something_ while ignoring him; playing with his fingers, tapping them, or playing with a certain fidget toy he always kept handy. Upon reaching Spencer, he bent slightly to make eye contact and grabbed his hands that lay limply at his sides. Aaron noticed the pamphlets in a ball on the ground next to him, beginning to dampen from the snow. JJ glanced at Aaron before returning to staring at her best friend in intense worry.

"Look, Spence, Aaron's here, it's alright, 

"Hey kiddo." He said softly, trying to smile.

It didn't take a profiler to see that Spencer was fully dissociated; Aaron felt as if he was staring right through him once he took a long look at his eyes. The Unit Chief was at a loss for what to do or say; he had never seen him like this in the three years he had known him. He knew it would be stressful becoming Spencer's main caregiver: the team had warned him, but he never knew the worry would consume him in times like these. It was like his brain was on overdrive; trying to desperately figure out how to make his kid feel better. Spencer was always very emotionally vivid; letting Aaron know all of the hurt he was feeling when it bottled up. But now, it was like his beloved, happy genius had turned to a robot. His usual upturned lips were in a straight line, and his coffee coloured eyes lacked the life that was there ten minutes previous.

Hotch pulled Spencer's hands to his lips, kissing them lightly. He knew Spencer liked to keep their caregiver/little relationship away from the team, (even though they already knew) but at the moment, he didn't really care. Spencer hadn't had a flashback or panic attack in months and Aaron forgot how much anxiety he got upon seeing his boy in such state. When he gave zero response to the soft gesture Aaron had gave, the older agent grimaced, looking at the ground as he tried to compose himself.

"JJ, can you bring the truck around?" He asked, his voice thick with the threat of tears.

"Yeah… course." JJ said, looking warily at Spencer before taking off down the snow filled street.

Aaron took a breath as he continued to look down, _desperately_ wishing he could rewind back to just a few hours before. Their day started so _normal,_ so _regular,_ that it was hard to believe it had turned to this before it had even hit noon. The team had just finished up a quick case involving a bomb threat hours previous, which ended with no damage, and no casualties. A rare, good end to a case that usually didn't have any good outcomes. Now, they were just waiting for their flight out, which was scheduled for the next day. Rossi and Emily had planned some sort of "outdoor cookout" at their rental cabins, which was why the team were at the supply store. Aaron wished with all his might that they hadn't of thought up that dumb idea. But he knew what type of monster William was. If he wanted to find Spencer, he would find him.

"Were gonna go back to the cabin, okay buddy? JJ is just grabbing the truck." He kissed Spencer's forehead, and pulled him into his arms.

"Such a brave boy, you know that?" He bent his head to his, whispering softly so he knew what he was saying was directed at him.

Aaron's heart swelled as he felt a small tug at the bottom of his jacket. Spencer still was motionless, but he was gripping the fabric of the jacket tightly and Aaron hoped that meant he was coming out of his dissociation.

"I'm here sweet boy, I'm here." He said hopefully, rubbing his back in circles. 

Aaron couldn’t even imagine what Spencer was feeling. He knew how hard it was to see his father in nightmares and flashbacks, but seeing him in real life was probably a whole other terror all together. He had never experienced any form of abuse himself but just the thought of Spencer, or any other person for that matter, experiencing the type of brutal mistreatment that William Reid had inflicted made him queasy.

He glanced up as he saw the black Nissan Frontier pull up onto the snowy curb beside them, then looked down to Spencer.

"JJ is here, Spence. Let's get you into the car, yeah?" He rubbed his back encouragingly as he stepped back from him, intending for Spencer to walk with him to the truck.

But Spencer, still, wasn't there. Aaron tried hard not to look at the dead look in his boy's eyes and picked him up gently; as a parent would with a sleepy child. JJ got out and opened the back door for him, giving Spencer a small smile even though he probably didn't notice it. Aaron climbed in skillfully with Spencer in his arms, and got him settled so he was comfy as they sat; disregarding the seatbelt situation. They were only about an hour away from their two rental cabins, which was owned by a company called Alyeska Hideaway.

JJ, Emily, Derek and Rossi shared the one cabin, splitting the two rooms among themselves; leaving Spencer and Aaron with the one room "Aleyska Cabin". They were cozy, pine log-cabins, that were fairly modern but somehow still had an old rustic touch. Both they rented were A-Frames, with a spacious porch and thankfully, electricity _plus_ water. The pair of cabins were also slightly different, in structure and style, and Aaron ended up really favoring the time spent in them. They had only been there four days, but it was four days well spent. The case, weirdly enough, was only two days long so they had spent the past last couple days just relaxing, playing board games and having random snowball fights. A nice break from the usual gruesome things they had to work on.

Aaron slowly began rubbing Spencer's back as JJ drove down the long highway. He was still motionless, save for the small clutches he was doing to the arm of Aaron's coat every few seconds. His head laid lazily against Aaron shoulder, making his hair fall messily in front of his face. Out of habit, Aaron brushed it out of his eyes and quickly started when Spencer flinched violently. He burrowed his face into the crook of Aaron's neck, breath picking up quickly.

"Oh, kiddo, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

Aaron wrapped his arms around Spencer snugly, and began rubbing his back again. He then grimaced, suddenly getting an idea as to why he had flinched. It was likely because he was having a flashback of William pulling on his bangs, which was a recurring memory that therapy had mostly healed; It took a bit, but slowly and surely, Spencer slowly could have his hair touched again. Aaron felt a burst of anger at the thought of Spencer having to go through the high levels of PTSD again- this was it- the start, just like last time.

"It's okay, little one. You're _okay._ How about we look at the pretty trees? Do you see the pretty trees out the window, Spencer?"

Aaron bent his head down so Spencer would notice the question was directed at him, and to Aaron's surprise, Spencer slowly lifted his head to look out the window opposite them. Snowy tree after snowy tree flashed by, and from where he was positioned, Aaron could see Spencer tracking them with his eyes by the movement of his eyelids.

"Do you see those trees? Aren't they pretty?"

Spencer didn't respond, and Aaron just kept the conversation going to distract him from the moment they just had.

"Very different from Triangle, hey? I haven't seen this much snow since I was a kid and we had a blizzard. It is much colder than Virginia's snow, though." That was an understatement. 

He made brief eye contact with JJ through the rear view mirror, and she smiled at him softly. He tried his best to smile back. They spent the whole ride mostly quiet, save for the few things JJ and Aaron would point out to Spencer along the way. Funny or long words on signs, a cool looking plant, or even the mountain peaks they saw: the pair were trying everything to keep his mind off what they knew he was drowning in. Aaron was thankful when he saw the left turn to their cabins, wanting to get Spencer as comfy as possible so he was just a little less distraught.

"Almost there, Spence" JJ said, turning her head slightly towards the back seat, trying to sound excited. "I'll make you hot chocolate when we get back. Then maybe we can all watch a movie, how's that sound?"

Her voice also sounded expectant; hopeful, that he would answer, but to her gloom, he just kept staring out the back window.

"Should I drive to yours or do you want to go to ours?" Her voice was much less peppy now as she addressed Aaron

"Let's go to yours. He needs his family right now." Aaron said the last part softly, looking down at Spencer. 

A few minutes went by, and as JJ pulled the truck onto the freshly plowed gravel driveway, Aaron spotted Dave by the window of the small A-Frame cabin, seemingly having a heated conversation with Emily, who was out of sight.

"Here we are!" JJ said in that same fake, excited voice.

Aaron smiled at her kindly when she got out and opened the door for them. He appreciated her effort in trying to make Spencer respond. Usually, her happy, loving tone would bring Spencer right out of a panic attack, but today, it was useless.

"Thanks." He said quietly.

She nodded, and closed the door behind them. The trio walked up the steps silently, and once they reached the porch, the door immediately opened.

Dave stood there, his usual welcoming face full of rage, but upon seeing Spencer's expression, it softened to concern.

Aaron didn't say anything, or give an explanation as to why Spencer looked like he had all the life sucked out of him; just walked past Dave into the living area and laid Spencer down on the grey velvet couch. It was plush, and soft, and Spencer had _raved_ about its antique feel when they had first arrived. He took off his coat and sweater for him gently, setting it aside, and propped his head up with a stray pillow . As Aaron sat down on the floor beside him, he frowned slightly as he watched Spencer star up at the ceiling, still not one ounce of recognition in his eyes. The older agent gulped down the emotions that threatened to spill over, telling himself this dissociation would go away with a good sleep.

"Derek called." Emily stated, swiftly walking down the wooden steps. 

"He's put Wi-"

Aaron looked up at her, and put up his hand. He gave her a glare and Emily pursed her lips, nodding.

The last thing Aaron needed was for his re-traumatized charge to hear that piece of shit's name. He began rubbing Spencer's arm soothingly as he sat beside him, and gave him a loving smile before he spoke. 

"JJ is going to make you the best cup of hot chocolate, I hear." He said, and continued on, not waiting for a reply.

"How about I, make you ramen with veggies? I promise to make sure there's only _a bit_ of broth." He smiled, kissing his forehead before hurrying over to the kitchen.

JJ was already busy putting the kettle on the old, white stove, while Dave and Emily were standing by the island on the other side of the sink, which doubled as their eating area. They both had sour faces, and Aaron knew they wanted to kill William as much as he did.

"-manage to get him detained without explaining _why_ he's a threat?"

JJ turned from the stove to face Emily, her face relieved, but full of confusion.

Aaron grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard from behind JJ, and a pack of vegetable flavoured ramen. Hot food often cheered Spencer up, and Aaron hoped it would this time, too.

"He somehow persuaded the Chief of the AST, I don't even know what their saying their holding him _for_." Emily shook her head, rubbing the bridge of her nose tensely.

"What's happened down there?" Aaron asked, and Emily grimaced.

"Their holding William for forty eight hours."

"That's good… why do you look like that if that's good?"

"Aaron, Derek persuaded the chief to hold him, but he doesn’t have a reason to keep holding him if Spencer doesn’t tell the department what happened- Derek didn't want to betray Spencer by telling someone without his permission."

Aaron put the bowl on the island, a light **_'clink'_** echoing through the silent kitchen.

"Oh."

They all were silent for a few more moments, before Dave spoke.

"We've all been holding back on reporting that son of a bitch for way too long now. He's a danger to Spencer, and has probably hurt others too. We can't keep letting him walk free."

Aaron's head perked up, and he glared at his closest friend as Dave made eye contact with him. This was a very old argument him and Dave had had many times in the past, and each time, it ended in them yelling at each other. Two years back, when Spencer had let out all the terrifying details of his childhood, they realized William Reid was exactly like the fucks they dealt with on a daily basis. He was more than a child rapist, but a sadistic, psychopathic swine that had gruesome fetishes. And being the BAU, they had a tough time letting him walk free when they knew of all his atrocities; but the problem was- they had to.

Aaron had brought it up to Spencer one night, about reporting William and going to court; but it upset him so much he ended up having a literal tantrum. He had thrown vases, picture frames, decorations, anything that would break against the wall, for about an hour while screaming so hard at Aaron that his voice went hoarse. Aaron still couldn’t shake the guilt he felt that night, and he concluded after that fiasco, that if Spencer didn’t want to go through the ordeal of taking him to court, that he did not have to. And that was that- _but not according to Dave._

"How many fucking times have I told you to drop that." Aaron rarely directed his deep, angry tone at Dave, but he was already pissed off, so this was just setting everything inside him off.

Dave slammed his hand down on the island loudly.

"Dammit Aaron!" He yelled, making JJ and Emily raise their eyebrows at him in surprise. 

"He found him for god's sake! He found _us,_ on a case! He flew all the way out to _fucking Alaska_ to find Spencer! You don’t see a problem with that?!" Dave's eyebrows furrowed deeply as he yelled.

Suddenly, the kettle began whistling loudly. The members of the BAU started slightly, and Aaron angrily walked over to it, taking it from the element.

"I'll leave enough for his hot chocolate." He said flatly, pouring the boiling water on top of the dry piece of instant ramen.

It was quiet as Aaron cut green onion and carrots on the counter, and he could tell his team was staring at him. He didn't care. All he cared about was that Spencer was happy and comfy, and that Dave would shut up. Once the vegetables were cut, Aaron put them in, grabbed a cloth for the hot bowl, and walked into the living room, trying to shake his anger for Spencer's sake.

But he didn't have time to; for upon reaching the couch, Spencer, was nowhere to be seen. Aaron's heart plummeted. 

_"Where did he go?!"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think i love cliffhangers too much lol
> 
> Next chapter will be a different writing style for me so bear with me!


	3. The Search

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [[TW FOR MINOR NAUSEA, VOMITTING AND MENTIONS OF DRUGS IN THIS CHAPTER]]
> 
> A storm warning goes into effect, and a search party has to hike up a nearby mountain to find Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now feel bad for any american readers I might have- so just for a visual, 3 metres of snow is almost 10 feet. Now lets get into my plot mistakes!  
> ***  
> -I didn't really give context, or set the scene, but Aaron informally adopted Spencer at the age of eighteen. Yes, that is a legal adult some places, but they legit still a teenager- and those little shits need guidance.  
> -Spencer had his coat and sweater taken off when he laid down on the couch.  
> -Spencer is 5'2- I never mentioned that either lol  
> -Yes I do it in feet because when talking about peoples height, Canadians still use feet  
> -We still are very mixed on measurements- my country switched in the 70's okay

**/*/**

_"There you are!" Aaron smiled as he saw his short, lanky teenage boy pop out from behind a clothes rack. His heart stopped racing, and he sighed with relief. He accidentally lost him in among the tall, Moore's vest racks, but tried to remain calm as he thought Spencer was playing a prank on him. But from the wobbling lip, it didn't look like Spencer was playing around._

_"L-Lost you…" He whispered, and Aaron shook his head reassuringly as he pulled Spencer into him._

_"No, No, you didn't lose me. Just misplaced me for a second." Aaron smiled, leaning back so Spencer could see he was trying to be light-hearted._

_Spencer smiled, blinking away unshed tears. Aaron patted his back, then looked around._

_"Now, what sort of-"_

**_/*/_ **

"One of you at a time! What led up to him leaving?!"

Aaron felt his like he wasn't in his own body, like his soul was floating somewhere up in the far corner; his friends voices playing distantly in stereo. They were all standing or pacing in the snowy base of Mount Chugach, the nearest mountain to the cabins, after frantically searching in cabinets, under beds and around the yards of the area. To their horror, they had found fresh, messy tracks leading into the forest of the mountain from their cabin.

As his friends loudly discussed the situation, Aaron stood away from the group, pacing; his chest currently feeling like it had a huge boulder on it, weighing the air in it down. He could breathe, but every breath felt unbelievably heavy in his lungs. Aaron looked up to the white sky, desperate for his heart to stop beating like he had just taken amphetamines. The mountain graced his view, it's white tipped trees making him want to cry as he thought of how much Spencer would love them. He loved the forest and scenic views. He didn't just love the _image_ , but loved it's depth- the _scientific_ beauty of it all. He would list off the facts about certain areas, how the vegetation grows, and talk about all the animals who reside in said areas.

"Aaron and JJ came in, he put him on the couch, joined us in the kitchen, and within five minutes, he was gone!" Emily said exasperatedly, wiping fresh snowflakes off of her face.

The snow was falling in numbers now; slightly sleeting in the wind. Aaron wished it would stop soon, knowing how much Spencer disliked the cold.

"Okay… okay." Derek said distractedly, looking around as he thought about what to do."

"I'll go up the lift- Em, you come with. Aaron- you, Dave and JJ search around the mountain as much as you can and we will meet back here in…" Derek paused.

"How long does the whole ride take?" He looked around at his team members questionably 

There was a substantial pause from the members of the BAU. Usually, they had their little genius to answer such random questions.

"It can't be longer than twenty minutes…" JJ said quietly, filling the empty gap.

Derek nodded, glanced at the mountain, and looked back at his friends.

"If I don't see him on the run there and back, were getting a search party together."

They all nodded, besides Aaron, who was still pacing as he fought hard to listen. In times of distress, Aaron had a habit of his brain going "tunnel-vision." He didn't see the bigger picture, but instead, his feeling of panic would consume him; making everything else absolutely impossible to focus on. He had managed to keep that habit hidden during cases, but if one of his teammates were in danger at work it would flare up instantly. It was the same with his family. Aaron had a younger brother, who was probably the original cause of his "tunnel-vision" panic. When he was young, around sixteen, he had seen him overdose, and it was the first time he had ever experienced that sort of weird distress.

The main problem of Spencer running off into the mountain was that it currently -10 C and he had ran off without a coat, gloves or snowpants. Aaron prayed it wouldn't get any colder as he took a shaky breath, running his hands through his hair.

_'Why did I take his coat off?!'_ Aaron thought, berating himself internally.

"Aaron? Did you-"

Loud crunching in the snow was heard behind them, and they all turned around to see the Alyseka Resort caretaker, a short, grey haired elderly woman who was always dressed to the nines in the most expensive winter wear, marching through the white ground towards them.

"Hey! Are you the FBI team?!" She called, stopping a few feet away from them.

It was then that Aaron realized how loud the snowy wind was. It whipped past his ears, making the tips of them icy and red. He frowned as he watched the caretaker pull a piece of paper from her inner jacket pocket.

"Yeah! Is everything alright?" Dave called to the woman, who began marching closer to them.

"Just got a call from the airport, huge wind storm coming in and all flights are cancelled!" She called back, continuing to walk towards them. Upon reaching the group, she handed Dave the slip of paper.

Aaron's stomach lurched, and he looked up the mountain in panic.

"They rebooked you to fly out next week- You can stay free of charge, but just to warn you, were probably going to have a power outage. I would get supplies right now and hunker down if I were you."

"What?!" Derek said loudly, drudging through the snow towards her.

"How bad of a storm? How much snow is expected?!"

"About three metres, but they've got you covered for supplies at Acre's, so don't wo-"

"One of our agents is missing. We need to get up that lift to see if he's somewhere in the forest." Derek said firmly, but Aaron could hear the fear laced in his voice.

The woman's eyebrows furrowed, a look of concern crossing over her face.

"Missing..? How long have they been gone?" She asked.

"Thirty minutes- but ma'am, our friend is…" Derek looked to Aaron warily for a moment.

"Mentally ill… and we need to find him quickly. These tracks in the snow lead up the mountain from our cabin and we _need_ to get up that lift- is there _any_ way you can help us?" Derek pleaded, and the woman looked surprised.

Aaron cringed at that word. Yes, Spencer was mentally ill- not because of the regression, but because of the trauma. He didn't like sharing that with any stranger though, knowing Spencer's huge insecurities on the matter.

"Dear, _of course_ \- I will get Daniel to get you guys up, he's the operator- but before that, should I call some officers and some others to help look with you?" She asked, and looked between all of them.

"Yes, please, that would be great." Derek said thankfully, and the woman nodded.

"You've been a big help here, I have heard, so anything I can do." She said before turning around; returning to the trek back to the resort office.

Derek was about to say something to the group, but they saw the woman turn back around momentarily.

"You guys should probably get some warmer coats and gear on before you look- it's going to be a bitch out there."

And in one swift movement,, Aaron doubled over and vomited into the snow.

**_/*//*//*//*//*//*//*//*/_ **

_"We get to go to Alaska?!" Spencer's head perked up excitedly as he sat at the round table._

_They were about to head to Anchorage for a bomb threat, and Spencer's expression on that was a bit comical. Aaron laughed slightly as he organized his file folder of the current case._

_"Pretty boy, it's a bomb threat. Don't look that excited." Derek chuckled, standing up as he went to grab his coat._

_"But I've never been to Alaska! What about snow gear? We need snow gear!" He stated, looking at his friends in pure joy as they all stood up from the table._

_"Were going to buy some once we get to Anchorage. For now, just bundle up as best you can, because it's going to be really cold once we get off the plane." JJ said to him, touching his shoulder lightly as she went by._

_"I've got like, four coats- I'm set!" Spencer stated as he stood up._

_"Well then go and put those four coats on, because I'm not having you get a cold when we get there." Aaron said in a mock-firm tone, smiling at him playfully as he stood up from his chair._

_"I'm not going to get a cold, I have the immune system of an ox!" Spencer said as he zipped up from his chair, grabbing his satchel from the corner of the board room._

_He began searching through it, likely going through his checklist of things that he might need on a trip._

_"Do ox's even have good immune systems?" Dave asked jokingly as he put on his grey jacket, and Spencer's head perked up from his current task._

_"The proper word for many ox is_ _Oxen,_ _and yes, they do- Well, Bovine particularly do due to their Innate immunity."_

_Dave chuckled, walking over to Spencer._

_"Well, there we go. Another question answered for me." He ruffled Spencer's hair as he walked by, and Spencer shooed him away in annoyance while he huffed in exasperation._

_Aaron raised his eyebrows at the two. Dave was always pranking, or joking with Spencer, and it was pretty funny to watch the two._

_"Now I have to brush it again, Dave! Did I even bring one…"_

_Spencer began searching for his hairbrush in his satchel as the team walked out. Aaron walked over to him from the two coatracks that stood by the door, and handed him his main coat; a blue wool button-up one he adored._

_"It's in there- I packed it for you this morning. Here's your coat."_

_Spencer sighed as he found the hairbrush._

_"Thanks." He said, smiling up at his caregiver, and began brushing his mop of curls, making it go back to the constricted wave that hung above his eyes._

_Aaron put his coat on for him as he brushed, making him switch hands so he could get both of Spencer's arms in the coat._

_"I've always wanted to see the mountains there. I'm not one for skiing or hiking but being at the top of one would be so beautiful, don't you think, Aaron?" Spencer looked up at him with wonder in his eyes, and Aaron smiled lovingly._

_"It would; you could probably see everything from up there." Aaron agreed, loving how happy Spencer got about the views of the wilderness._

_They began to walk out of the board room, towards Aaron's office to grab their go-bags._

_"I am going to throw at least one snowball at you on this trip, just so you know." Spencer said mischievously as they walked._

_Aaron snorted._

_"Spence, I swear, if-"_

**_/*//*//*//*//*//*//*//*/_ **

"-you. It's alright, just breathe."

Aaron retched again, shaking violently as sweat poured down his face. To his dismay, this _also_ happened in his most stressful times. An unknown hand was rubbing his back in soothing circles, and he resisted the urge to shove it away. 

" _Breathe,_ Aaron."

He was currently kneeling in the deep snow, which was up to is hip, while his stomach ached from the distress he was in. Aaron hated letting out his vulnerabilities in front of his team- but in times like these, it was inevitable. They never judged him; never thought less of him, but he thought less of himself when these things happened. He preached that being vulnerable was strength, that it made people human, yet he often denied it for himself. He glanced around as he tried to will the pain in his abdomen away, trying to see if the caretaker was still there- he felt relief upon seeing that she wasn't.

"Hotch, _I swear to God_ , if you don't take a deep breath-"

Aaron sputtered, suddenly realizing it was Derek rubbing his back and kneeling beside him. He tried again, and was able to manage a breath through his nausea.

"There we go. Keep going; it's alright."

"'es going-" Aaron coughed. "to freeze." He retched again, but no vomit came out thankfully.

"No he's not. We're going to find him, I promise.' Derek said reassuringly, and Aaron took another shaky breath.

"Need to." Aaron managed out, looking up at Derek with tears in his eyes.

_"We will."_ His friend said firmly, looking at him with that determined look that Aaron often saw him give victim's families. He cringed at him treating him like a parent of a victim, but appreciated the kindness nonetheless.

"Let's go." Derek said, pulling Aaron up out of the snow. 

**_*1 Hour Later."_ **

_"SPENCER!"_

A pile of snow fell softly in the distance from a nearby branch.

"SPENCER HOTCHNER!"

The nearby branch cracked in the whipping wind, falling to the snow and landing on it as if it was a pillow.

_"Spence, come out!"_

Around thirty people on foot were searching Chugach mountain, hiking up and around it to find the BAU's youngest member. The blizzard was picking up now, and huge flakes stabbed the team's faces painfully as they trudged through up the steep, wet mountain; the trees that were looming over them occasionally dropping snow onto anyone passing under. _This, was definitely more snow than any of them had ever seen in their lives._

Aaron was beyond thankful for the amount of volunteers that had come out to find Spencer during this blizzard- a lot of them were experienced climbers and skiers, and the rest were officers and civilians that were well adapted to hiking the area in the winter weather. About four officers had taken to the lifts to search, while the majority of the group, which included the team, had hiked to around 100 metres, which was the highest they could go safely. When the search had started, one of the officers of the Alaskan Troops assured a still panicking Aaron that Spencer likely didn't go higher than 100 meters, as the snow was beyond tiring to hike through at that point.

_"SPENCER! COME OUT, BUDDY! WERE HERE!"_ Aaron used the loudest voice he could, and felt a sickening feeling as he heard it echo into the thick, vast snowy mountain.

It had been one hour, and Aaron's worse fears now circled the front of his brain; not budging in the slightest as he tried to push them back to the rear. He imagined the worse- that Spencer had fallen down a hill, or that he had frozen to death. It was getting colder as the storm went on, and someone close by had reported that the temperature was now -17 below. The odds were slowly slipping out of Spencer's favor, and no one had radioed any sighting to the officers yet.

Aaron felt as if his world was crumbling- he had never felt fear this large since his brother, Sean, had overdosed on heroin. He couldn't imagine, or rather, didn't want to imagine, how scared Spencer must be to be wandering the mountain alone in a storm. He always loved the winter season, but if Spencer got too cold he got miserable; his brain going to memories of cold nights where he was forced to sleep in his backyard. Aaron pursed his lips as he felt guilt began to build at the thought that he could have prevented Spencer from running away. If he had just sat with him for a few more minutes, or even had brought him to the kitchen with him, he wouldn't be lost in the snow on a fucking Alaskan mountain.

_'I did this.'_ Aaron thought, his eyes welling with tears.

"This is all my fault." Aaron croaked aloud, just audible enough for Dave to hear, who was marching through the snow beside him.

His friend looked over to him in surprise.

"Aaron-"

"It was such a delicate moment for him, and I should have _been_ there." He whispered.

"Turn into here, guys! Haven't searched in this part yet!" Someone called ahead, and the group veered to their left into a denser part of the forest.

The trees they entered were thick, and it got just a level darker as they entered. Aaron's stomach was becoming more and more nauseous as their trek through the wood went on, and he swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure.

"What kind of caregiver- what kind of _parent_ am I if I lose my kid within five minutes?" Aaron spat, wiping tears and snow from his eyes so he could see ahead of him better.

"Aaron, you looked away for a _second_ -"

"Exactly! I looked away!"

"-to make him one of his favorite foods."

Aaron huffed in annoyance.

"That's not the-"

"Sir! Over here!" A younger man in a bright orange coat ran up to him and Dave, pointing to a large tree trunk about twenty meters away.

Aaron's eyes whipped over to where the man was pointing, and there, at the base of the tree, sat Spencer, covered in snow up to his hip and head resting in his knees. Aaron watched his son shiver, showing he was alive. Aaron's heart plummeted with utter relief, and he ran (or attempted, rather) to him through the thick snow.

"Thank God, oh, thank God." Aaron breathed out, falling to his knees in front of him.

He was not a very religious man, but he thanked God- thanked the Heavens, that they found Spencer safe. He took off his coat swiftly, and put it around Spencer, who was shaking violently. His skin was cold- but not hypothermic, Aaron realized in relief. He started, looking up slowly.

"Y-You're 'ere." He whispered in surprise, wiping tears quickly away from his eyes.

Aaron let his tears fall freely now, not giving a shit who saw them. Spencer's voice, had lost its usual tone and was replaced by such a childish one; sounding like a four year old, just learning to master syllables and proper speech. He had never heard him so regressed before.

"Of course I'm here, silly boy." He said quietly, pulling his arms into the sleeves of the jacket gently.

"I d-didn' m-mean t-ta run far." He whispered as Aaron took off his sweater. He put it on top of the coat he had just zipped, leaving his own arms bare. It seemed to be an odd order of operations, but all Aaron cared about was getting him warm as fast as possible.

"I know you didn't, kiddo, I know." Aaron rubbed both of Spencer's arms reassuringly.

"Hotch, let me give him my coat, don’t take off your last layer." JJ said with concern, putting a hand on his shoulder from behind.

Aaron shook his head.

"Its fine." He replied softly, despite the snow painfully pricking his now bare arms. He did not want another one of his family cold or in pain- he would rather take it himself than have to watch them suffer.

"Are y-you ma' a' me?" Spencer whispered, and Aaron shook his head, smiling lovingly at his son despite the tears falling down his face.

"Never. Never mad at you, baby. I was just so worried. We were all so worried about you." He put a hand on his cheek as he kissed his forehead.

Spencer looked at the crowd of people around them nervously, and wrapped his arms around his caregiver. Aaron picked him up, holding him like any parent would a toddler, despite Spencer being 5'2. He would only ever hold him like that at home, in Spencer's most regressed state, which was tops six. He had never seen him regress any further, and as much as Aaron thought his voice was adorable, he wished he would snap back to his usual self, knowing Spencer would try and punish himself physically or mentally for regressing this far. He was very hesitant on accepting his regression at first, despite knowing medically, that it was totally natural. Spencer had a plethora of information and wisdom when it came to mental health up in that brain of his, bur he seldom used it on himself. He sounded like a four year old, just learning to master syllables and proper speech.

"Thank you all so much for helping us." Aaron heard Emily say to the crowd as he began to walk toward them; Spencer snug in his arms. 

There was distant 'anytime's and "of course's echoing through the crowd as they parted for Aaron to walk through. Aaron knew they were good people, but he figured the main reason they helped him was because they had solved the bomb threat situation in the town so quickly. The group began the walk down the mountain, trying to be as fast as they could to avoid the blunt of the storm. Spencer was quiet as they moved, but after a few minutes he turned his head to face Aaron's.

"Got scared…" He said, and Aaron kissed the top of his head reassuringly.

"That's okay… but do you remember our rule?"

Spencer wiggled guilty in caregivers arms.

"Tal' to Aaron if I get scared." He recited quietly, and Aaron nodded.

"That's right. I don't want you running off anymore, alright?"

"Alrigh'" Spencer whispered.

With that, the team descended the mountain in complete silence, Aaron occasionally looking up into the storm, thanking it for not taking his boy away from him. He was gripping Spencer tight, breathing slowly as the cold made his bones ache. But he didn't care, for Spencer was safe, and Aaron, if it cost him his job, was going to make sure that safety continued.

William Reid was either going to prison,

_Or going to die._


	4. Letting it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer is fussy, and Aaron persuades him to talk about what he's feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [[TW FOR SLIGHT DESCRIPTION OF SELF HARM/SUICIDE ATTEMPT IN THIS CHAPTER]]
> 
> Sorry this is so late! Here's my first chap of the new year- sorry it's such a filler lol- the good shit shall start soon

Aaron Hotchner obviously always wanted children, but he never really gave much thought to what the toddler years would be like if he had have had kids. Well, he finally had his answer;

_Chaotic._

Spencer's panic attacks were terrible, yes, and he got angry sometimes when he was regressed, but it was usually very easy to reason with him on calming down. Now though, due to his mental state being around the age of four, Spencer could not be reasoned with no matter _who_ tried. He had had three panic attacks in the last seven hours since he had returned, and had wet himself twice. His attitude, was spot on for a toddler, and he had developed quite a habit of throwing anything near him in the small timeframe of being home.

Aaron figured the reason he was still so upset was that the power went out and it was now getting dark, knowing Spencer _despised_ the absence of light. The team were currently in their cabin, figuring Spencer would be more comfortable spending time where he had been staying for the past few days. It was almost exactly the same as the other's cabin, save for different furniture and placement of the room structure. There were two grey couches against the smooth, light wood walls and a woodstove beside the dining table that led into the kitchen.

The room was currently alit with candles, and battery powered lanterns, making it _really_ have that cabin feel. Wind rushed loudly outside the windows, and if Spencer wasn't so upset, Aaron would have probably enjoyed the stormy feel. They were sitting together on the grey couch, with Aaron sitting against the left arm of the chair while he held a fussy Spencer in his lap. He was closest to the woodstove so Spencer could get as warmed up as possible, still not believing JJ when she said 'he's fine'. He seemed too cold to Aaron, but when he shared it with the group they said he was just being overly worried. They had done all the checks to see if he had hypothermia, and they all came back negative, but still- Aaron sat by the woodstove in case Spencer wasn't telling him the truth on how warm he was. 

"Okay, chicken noodle soup and warm buns!"

Aaron watched as Derek took the cast-iron frying pan and pot off the woodstove, putting the pan on the hearth. He proceeded to walk over to the wooden dining table, scooping the soup with a ladle into six small white bowls.

"Alright- It's all ready. There's crackers in the cupboard, and just grab your buns so we don't waste as much plates."

The group walked over, and JJ rubbed Spencer's head lovingly as she walked by.

"I'll grab your supper for you, Spence." She said kindly.

"Don' wan' eat." He stated, burrowing his face into Aaron's shoulder.

"But you have to eat, kiddo. You haven't eaten since breakfast."

"Don' care!" He said loudly, and he grabbed his own arm, clenching tightly.

He had done that a few times, and each time, Aaron's heart hurt a little more.

"Hey, none of that now…" He said softly, taking Spencer's hand gently away.

Spencer responded with ripping his hand from Aaron's grip and wrapping his arms around his torso in discomfort.

"S-Stop it! J-Just lea' me a-alone!" Spencer looked close to tears again, his lip wobbling dangerously as he sat upright in Aaron's lap.

"Love, I just don't want y-"

Spencer suddenly shot out of Aaron's lap, walking angrily away from him. He made note to stomp as he walked, and Aaron furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as he watched him in the lantern light. Spencer _never_ refused his comfort.

"Baby, where are you going?"

"No'ere!" Spencer yelled, walking up the steps to the medium sized landing that held their beds.

Aaron sighed, and stood up. He followed him, and once he reached the top, he saw Spencer sitting between his bed and Aaron's bed; back against the wall that held the small window.

"Now, what's this?" He asked softly, and knelt down in front of Spencer.

Even in the low light, Aaron could see fresh tear tracks trailing down his pale cheeks. He was sitting in the same way he had against that large mountain tree, and Aaron grimaced at the fresh memory.

"Baby, _talk to me._ Talk about how you feel without yelling, can you do that?"

Spencer looked away, wiping more tears from his eyes.

"Hm?" Aaron sat cross legged, figuring they would be there for a bit.

"I-Its wong- _wrong. I am wrong._ " Spencer said the last words so emphasized, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried his best to pronounce them correctly.

Aaron finally understood what was happening. He should have guessed it earlier, but Spencer had given no reason as to why he was upset, just that he was _upset._ This, Aaron knew, was the beginning of him punishing himself for what his brain was going through. He knew it wasn't intentional, but he hated how much Spencer ignored scientific facts when it came to himself. He was their technical analysis field agent, and had interacted with many victims over the course of their work that had been traumatized in the same way he had been; and always, he was so caring, and considerate with them, but Aaron just wished he would be with himself.

"Spencer…" Aaron sighed, and put right his palm against Spencer's hands, which were clasped around his knees.

"You know that is not true."

"It is-"

"No, it is not. What makes you believe that lie? Who is telling you that?" Aaron could hear the hint of resentment in his voice, so he softened his expression.

He worked so hard, so _tirelessly,_ to try and get the poisonous thoughts out of Spencer's head; and as he sat in front of him now, he tried not to feel like it was all for naught. Each of the BAU members had spent countless hours un-brainwashing his mind, and he had made such progress. 

Spencer wiggled uncomfortably, putting his chin against his knee as he thought for a moment. A shadow was cast over the top half of his face in the uneven light, covering his eyes slightly.

"L-Little b-boys a' b-bad." He concluded quietly, fidgeting with the fabric of his jeans.

Aaron scooted closer to him, frowning with sadness. It was painful to see him so setback; his manner was almost worse than when he had originally told Aaron about the trauma. He made a mental note to call Spencer's old therapist as soon as the power went back on- knowing how long it took to book an appointment with her. Therapy took so long for him, and it was absolutely gruelling. Spencer stopped having to go a few months ago, and Aaron was so proud he booked a weekend off work for them and took him two states away to see a play in his favorite theatre. Of course he wasn't entirely healed, but he didn't need the regulation of therapy anymore- just weekly counselling.

"I don't think little boys are bad, who said that baby?" Aaron was trying to get used to talking to Spencer as one would talk to a small child, and he felt he was doing pretty good.

"D-Daddy…" He said thickly, looking up at Aaron with those familiar, broken coffee coloured eyes.

Aaron felt a twinge of resent at Spencer using that word for William, as he had used it for him on rare occasions- occasions where he was at his most vulnerable, clinging to Aaron like a lifeline as he was pulled out of his personal hell. The older agent had took it to heart, absolutely revelling in Spencer calling him by that name, and hearing him refer to _William_ as "daddy" made him sick. But it just showed the level of regression Spencer was in.

"Well, that was very wrong of him to lie to you like that." Aaron put his arm under Spencer's legs, settling his hand on his back as he scooped him into his lap.

"It the _truth._ " Spencer said firmly, trying very hard to pronounce the last word of his sentence correctly.

"What about Henry? Henry's a little boy; is _he_ bad?"

Spencer looked up at Aaron with an appalled expression.

"N-No! Course n-not!" He said defensively.

"Then that means the monster lied to you, doesn't it?" Spencer frowned, looking down. 

Aaron stood up with him swiftly, and sat on the double bed with him. He draped his legs over his comfortably and kissed the top of his head as Spencer put his head on his shoulder, feeling thankful he was finally beginning to calm down. There were two beds on the landing, with Aaron's being the double sitting closest to the window, and Spencer's being the one closest to the slope of the A-Frame. They had plain grey bedding, with plain grey pillows, and Aaron had hated the prison feeling, so he had bought purple and blue throw blankets upon arriving. The purple one sat on Spencer's bed: being one of his favorite colors, he just _had_ to have it. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, with only the rustling of Aarons hand rubbing against the back of Spencer's shirt to be heard from the upstairs landing.

"I-I don'- don't know how t-to stop… _t'is._ " Spencer suddenly whispered, grabbing his arm roughly once more.

Aaron lightly took his hand away, clasping it in his.

"I-I tried, I tr-tried _lots_ , but I can't-" Spencer cleared his throat, squeezing Aaron's hand to ground himself.

"-can't ge' _back._ " His voice shook, and he took a shaky breath as he pushed away fresh tears.

"You don't need to get back, baby boy." Aaron whispered, putting his head near his.

" _D-Do._ D-Do n-nee' to." Spencer replied, lip wobbling.

"No, no you don't. You had quite a scare today, and I would like you to let your little brain heal for a bit." Aaron smiled lovingly, and ran the pad of his thumb over the corner of Spencer's forehead near his hairline. Spencer let out a small, choked cry.

"You just feel how you feel baby- we will take care of the rest. _We have you._ "

Spencer let out another cry as Aaron began to rock him. He hid his face in his caregiver's shirt as he was soothed, his breath becoming shaky as he did. This wasn't the fussy cries he was doing previously, but thick, emotional sobs that echoed out of his chest. Aaron knew him well enough to know that he, finally, was grieving. He hadn't properly processed seeing William, and Aaron was glad he finally was. Last time he kept in pent up inside, he had ended up with slit wrists on the bathroom floor.

"H-He was _here_! H-He ca' b-back fa me!" Spencer cried in terror, and Aaron's heart ached at the fear in his voice.

"H-He wan-wants me b-back t'ere- I _NOT_ going back! _I NOT!_ " He yelled, sitting up as his breath began to pick up.

"Shh, shh," Aaron said hurriedly, stopping the rocking and beginning to rub his back in soothing circles.

Spencer's pupils were blown out in panic, and Aaron knew he was referring to the little piece of dessert hellscape that he spent his first sixteen years of life on. He had run away from it on his sixteenth birthday, and somehow, with his enigma of a brain, passed all the exams that qualified him to be in the FBI, and by seventeen, Aaron was hiring him to work at the BAU. Spencer wasn't allowed to go to school when he had lived with his father, nor was he allowed to go outside without supervision, so it amazed the older agent that he was able to even process society properly. Usually when Aaron met those types of victims they were so far traumatized he could barely get into a conversation with them, but Spencer, had somehow kept his sanity through the horrific beatings and sexual abuse. Aaron admired his son so much for his strength- Spencer, in his mind, was a miracle.

"I will never let you go near there again, kiddo. _Never._ " Aaron said firmly, and Spencer shook his head wildly, clearly not happy with that answer.

"I h-heard you talking, he-he at ta p-police stition!" He cried, his voice cracking slightly at the end of his sentence. He whimpered, grabbing a fistful of his Aaron's shirt as he hid his face in it again.

" _Exactly,_ baby. He's with the police. He cannot get to you."

Aaron guessed this would be a good time to bring up reporting William for what he had done, but he was wary of how Spencer would react. Spencer suddenly put his thumb in his mouth, looking away. Aaron's sighed quietly in relief. It was easier, and healthier when Spencer didn't fight of his oncoming regression. It frequently pained Aaron to see him do the opposite, as he didn't want him to go through the internal battle of fighting off the inevitable.

"How about we try that soup before it goes cold, hm?" Aaron suggested, and Spencer thought for a moment before nodding.

"O'tay…" He said quietly, and Aaron smiled lovingly, picking him up and wrapping his legs around his torso.

They descended the staircase, and as they reached the first floor, the team gave small smiles to the both of them as they continued on with their conversations. Somehow, Spencer could feel their eyes on him, and he wiggled uncomfortably as he took his head from Aaron's shoulder, hiding his face in the crook of the older man's neck.

"There's my pretty boy!" Derek said happily, walking over to them.

He patted Spencer's back, and Spencer came out from hiding at the sound of his best friend's voice; looking at Derek with a weary expression.

"Want some soup now? I made sure the buns stayed hot too- in case you wanted to have a couple."

Aaron looked down at Spencer as he smiled slightly at Derek.

"T'ank y-you." He whispered, blushing slightly.

The unit chief didn't really understand Spencer's reluctance to let the team see him during these times; they loved him- absolutely adored him since they day he started working in their unit, and never once did any of them scare, or put Spencer down in any way. Aaron hoped maybe this stay at the cabin would make Spencer more comfortable being himself around the team.

"Course, kiddo. Let's go sit at the table."

Derek set Spencer up at the table, and to Aaron's surprise, he sat down in the chair without issue. He had expected him to want to stay in his arms, but he had just sat down once Derek invited him to. He smiled with pride as he watched him eat, listening to Derek as he engaged Spencer in some vivid conversation about the process of making bread and buns from scratch. He slowly walked over to the couch where the others were, still keeping an eye on him as the two of them talked.

Derek made Spencer light up in ways that Aaron and JJ never could. They were the three closest people to Spencer, and the three people that had first comforted him upon letting out his trauma, but Derek Morgan understood Spencer. He connected with him mentally better than Aaron and JJ could, and too, had suffered childhood trauma. Not as horrific as Spencer's, but he still knew the agonizing internal and external struggle of abuse. Aaron felt so thankful for him.

"How is he doing?" Emily asked as Aaron sat down beside her, taking a sip of wine from a generic cup.

"Talking about bread now… so hopefully good?" Aaron chuckled, but his smile fell as he looked back to Spencer.

He was laughing at some joke Derek was telling, and seemed so happy. Aaron didn't want to kill that happiness, but they were running out of time on discussing reporting William. He sighed, and turned to Emily.

"Care to share?" He said tiredly, looking to Emily as she sipped on her wine. Emily sat up, reaching for the bottle that sat on the coffee table.

"Fill your boots." She replied, handing him the wine glass. "I, have definitely had enough." She stood up, stretching her arms.

"Do you need help with bedtime? I want to help, but honestly I feel like it's time to pass out."

Aaron shook his head.

"No, I should be good. Do you need help shovelling yourself to your cabin?" He asked, smirking slightly, but still meaning it.

"No, we've got Dave for that." JJ said, putting her glass on the table as she stood up.

"Aaron, why did you make me bunk with them? I would have been happy to sleep here on the floor." He said, giving the girls a shake of the head.

Aaron laughed.

"Well, just.. Retreat a few steps back if you need my help." He replied lightly, and looked back to Spencer as the team went and said their goodbyes to him for the night.

Spencer sat happily, enjoying his soup and buns with Derek. You would never guess he had just been crying, from the smile on his face. He glowed as Emily, JJ and Dave hugged and kissed him, and he passed a bun to each of them as they went out. Aaron chuckled at that sweet action, and decided he would wait just a _little_ longer to talk to him about the William situation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Gregory Alan Isakov"'s music plays a big part in my inspiration for writing, so you all should go check them out- beautiful music. I hope to post the next chap this week so stay tuned!


	5. Gifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Derek comes back with a few things to make Spencer's stay at the cabin a little easier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorrryy this is so late- I am continuing this, just at a slower pace. I will be coming out with another CM mini fic soon so stay tuned for more whump lol

" _Thank God_ the snow is done- all we need now is a goddamn quad."

Derek Morgan stepped through the door of Aaron and Spencer's cabin, arm full of groceries and various supplies. He kicked his boots against the doorframe, letting the snow from them fall out on the front porch. 

It was now the second day since the little fiasco they had, and everyone was getting _really_ tired of the blizzard. The snow had mainly stopped, but it left two metres in its wake- less than predicted, but the team were still out of their comfort zone. The only one of them who knew how to survive and get by in extreme winter weather was Dave, who had spent many winters in Wisconsin with family when he was a kid. Derek proceeded to walk past Aaron and Spencer who were sitting together on the couch, and dropped the bag of groceries on the table. He turned his head slightly to Aaron as he pulled out the items he had bought.

"I bought a shitload of batteries, and some other cool things." His voice was laced in mystery as he said the last part, and Aaron turned his head to look at him.

Him and Spencer were currently snuggling- with Spencer sitting on the cushion, back against the arm of the couch as his legs draped over Aaron's. He didn't raise his head at the sound of voices as he was very concentrated on a fidget toy JJ had picked up from Acre's: a blue and silver cube that had a button of sort on each side. Acre's, being a small supply store, didn't have a lot of kid-related things. The main shopping centre had all sort of toys and such, but they couldn't get across town until the snow melted away. So, in the meantime, they had to work with what they had.

The most they were able to find at the store was the fidget cube and a puzzle. Spencer, to say the least, was bored out of his mind. He had packed his favorite novels for the trip, but they were high-end literature; something Spencer didn't enjoy at all while regressed. 

"What kind of cool things?" Aaron asked in interest, knowing the items were probably for Spencer.

"You'll see." He said, a smile evident in his tone.

Aaron watched as Derek put away the groceries, leaving a white plastic bag sitting on the table. Spencer looked up from his toy at the sound of the cabinets opening and closing.

"Derek?" He asked in a semi-wary voice, craning his head as far as he could to try and see into the kitchen.

"Yup, he apparently brought some cool things for us."

'Wha' is it?" Spencer asked in interest, straining his neck as he continued to try and look behind him.

"Surprises." Derek said playfully as he finished putting away the various food items.

He walked back over to the table, and grabbed the white bag off of it. Spencer was fully attentive as he watched his best friend walk back into the living room. Aaron hid a smile as he saw what looked like a teddy bear behind the plastic, and watched as Derek put the bag on the black side table that sat under the mounted flatscreen TV. He then kneeled beside it and looked at their youngest.

"Now kiddo, there's a disclaimer before I give you these." Derek joked lightly, but Spencer didn't smile back- he just frowned in confusion.

"I'm kidding, Spence. I just meant that if you don't like any of what I bought you don't have to keep it, okay?"

Spencer slid off the couch, walking on his knees over to the side table.

"A-All for me?" He asked quietly, going to open it.

Derek nodded, sitting on the floor and raising his knees up.

"Mhm hm."

Spencer quickly opened the bag and stopped abruptly, his smile faltering. Aaron furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to what Derek had bought. He got up, kneeling beside the two of them.

"What did Derek get you, buddy?" Aaron asked softly, putting a hand on his back as he bent to peer into the bag.

Spencer made a sour face and sat on the floor, letting Aarons hand fall from his back. He pulled his knees to his chest tightly and put his chin on them. Honestly, it made sense to Aaron why he was acting like that once he looked inside the bag. There, haphazardly sitting in the plastic, was a light brown teddy bear, a pack of pacifiers, space stickers, and a plastic bottle. Spencer had never had the luxury of having such things as a little one, so it must have really confused him upon seeing them. As Aaron looked at the things Derek had bought once more, he suddenly realized they were all items that weren't sold at Acres. 

_'Leave it up to Derek to find the impossible'_ he thought.

_"_ …n-not f-for me. _"_ Spencer stated, looking up at the bag as if it was a bush fire closing in on him.

Aaron smiled sympathetically and sat down, crossing his knees while he did.

"It _is_ for you. You don't want what Derek bought?"

Spencer looked up at the bag and pursed his lips, looking away at the fireplace beside them.

"Not 'llowed."

"Hey…" Aaron bent his head towards Spencer's level and lightly put his hand on his cheek so he would look at him.

"Yes you _are._ Those old rules don't apply here, Spence. You know that." Aaron spoke in a firm, yet gentle voice as he grabbed the teddy bear from the bag.

Spencer's new stuffie was soft and light brown, with little ears and a soft button nose. It was much like the one Spencer had at home, just a tad smaller. Aaron had gotten him a stuffed animal when he had first started regressing, and he loved it. And when Aaron asked him to pick a name for it, he had named it after his favorite mathematician. (obviously) 

"He's kinda like Einstein isn't he?" Aaron said holding him up for Spencer to see.

Spencer pursed his lips, nodding slightly.

"I think our friend here would make really good company, don't you think?"

Spencer didn't answer, and Aaron proceeded to pick the rest of the items out of the bag, leaving the stuffie beside him. He pulled the pacifiers out first, faking awe once he saw them.

"Buddy, Derek got you all different colors! Look!" Aaron help up the pack of four pacifiers.

Derek had somehow found a pack with yellow, blue, green, and pink in it, and Aaron silently thanked him, as their youngest apparently had a bad habit of biting his fingers when he was little. He watched as Spencer's hand twitched towards the object in his hands, leaving his knees momentarily until he put it back into place. He blushed madly while it happened, looking away from his caregivers. Aaron could tell he was close to cracking.

"Derek must have gone on quite a hunt for these- where _did_ you get all this anyways?" Aaron turned to Derek as he put the pack of pacifiers back in the bag, giving him a curious look.

"Word of mouth gets you far, I guess."

"What?" Aaron laughed, sifting through the bag again.

"Well, I asked the guy at Acres if he knew of anyone that had a home store, and he pointed me in the direction of a lady who makes like, crafts or whatever-"

Derek and Aaron both watched Spencer's hands fall from the tight embrace on his knees.

"-that’s where I found this bear- and when I was about to leave, I asked her if she knew of anyone who sold toys or anything for kids, and she told me of someone who stocks up on kid related things because their grandkids are always staying with them, and when I showed up at the place, this older lady had sold me the stickers, pacifiers and that bottle."

The two of them watched as their their little genius's hands slowly were drawn to the bear sitting on the floor. Spencer gave them both a hesitant expression- like he was asking permission to hold the toy before him. After the two men responded with kind smiles, the younger agent grabbed the bear inquisitively. He clasped it in both hands, and Aaron watched his hands grip tighter around the plush fabric of the stuffed animal.

"What should his name be?"

Spencer looked up at Aaron, biting his lip.

"Dunno…" He responded quietly, and looked back down at his new stuffie.

"How about something snow related? Since you got him here in Alaska, you could name him 'snowball' or something."

Spencer let out a small laugh.

"'E's not a polar b-bear, Aaron! He a-" Spencer's lips closed and went to the side as he tried to think.

"G'izzly bear?"

Aaron let out a laugh, shaking his head.

"My bad. What should his name be, then? Any suggestions Derek?"

Aaron looked to Derek, who was smiling happily at the change of Spencer's mood.

_"Ahhh…"_ He thought for a moment.

"Can I see him, Spence? I might be able to pick a name if I know him better." He put out his hand to Spencer, who handed him the stuffie willingly.

Derek held it up in front of himself with two hands, squinting his eyes slightly in thought.

"Hello, Mr. Bear- Were trying to find a name for you. What should we name you, hm?" Derek moved the bear around absentmindedly as he thought of a name.

_"Oh!"_ Spencer said excitedly, clapping his hands a couple times.

Aaron's heart leaped, and he grinned happily. He hadn't heard that cheerful of a tone in days, and he just realized how much he missed it. Spencer gently took his new stuffie from Derek and held it in front of himself.

"Y-Your new name i-is _Yeti!_ "

Derek laughed heartily, smiling at Spencer.

"That's a great name, pretty boy. _Very_ snow-like."

" _'Snow-Like'_?" Aaron asked mockingly, and Derek shoved him playfully.

"Shut up."

Spencer suddenly wrapped his arms around Yeti, smiling serenely. He put his face in its fur and took a breath. Aaron melted.

"T-Ta- Thank you, D-Derek." He whispered, looking up at his best friend.

"Course, pretty boy. Why don't you and Yeti look at what else I got for you?" He asked, putting the bag on the floor in front of him.

"Stickers!" Spencer said excitedly, grabbing the pack from the bag quickly.

"Look, Yeti…" He whispered the words directed at his bear so quietly as he showed it the pack of stickers.

"D-Do w-we 'ave p-paper?" Spencer asked, looking up at the two agents.

"Shit, I forgot about that. We must have some around here somewhere." Derek replied, getting up.

He halted as he saw the unnerved expression on Spencer's face.

"B-Bad word…" Spencer whispered, holding Yeti tightly to his chest as he looked up at Derek warily. 

Aaron tried to hide his surprise, as well as Derek. Spencer had never been uncomfortable with common swear words before.

"Oh, pretty boy-"

He bent, putting a hand on his arm gently.

"I didn’t mean to say that, Spence. I'm really sorry."

He rubbed his arm reassuringly, a guilty expression forming on his face. 

"I-It okay…" He said, and picked the sticker pack back up, not letting Yeti go from his grip.

Derek shared a look with Aaron as he stood upright. Aaron knew they were thinking the same thing- It was _very_ different to see Spencer so young. Before when he regressed, they still were able to swear, make the occasional sex joke, and even talk about the details of cases without him even batting an eye.

"Do you think your briefcase would have any blank pages? Derek asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, possibly. Its upstairs on the dresser."

Derek turned around and took off upstairs. It was quite comical to Aaron to watch him go upstairs so fast, because it wasn't a staircase that brought you to the next floor- it was a wooden step ladder. He snorted softly, looking back at his son.

"I'm glad you're happy, baby. I missed seeing you smile like that." Aaron mused softly, beginning to rub Spencer's lower back.

"Y-Yeti h-hapy too, c-cause he 'as m-me." Spencer replied, smiling slightly as he looked at the bear in his arms.

Aaron chuckled.

"I bet he is. He now has the most wonderful best friend, don't you think?"

Spencer blushed, nodding slightly. He kept his smile, though, and scooted closer to Aaron. He rested his head on his shoulder, putting Yeti on his knee so Aaron could see him. They talked for a bit about the stickers and Yeti until Derek came down- thankfully with paper.

"Paper!" Derek stated, sitting back down with his friends.

"W-We c-can make a wh-whole p'iture!" Spencer said, and began to try and open the pack with his fingers- which did not work out.

He huffed, and started to open the pack of plastic with his teeth.

"Hey, no teeth- it's not polite, Spence."

Spencer pouted when Aaron took the pack from him. As he ripped the top of the plastic for him, he glanced and saw Derek holding back a laugh, his lips curving inward. He rolled his eyes at him and handed Spencer back the stickers. He had never really disciplined him before; even during his previous regression he never had to _once_ \- Spencer honestly was the most well-behaved eight year old he had ever met. He guessed he was going to be doing a lot more teaching on the subject of manners and etiquette now that Spencer was mentally four.

"T'ank you." Spencer said upon being handed the pack of stickers.

"You're welcome, baby." Aaron responded softly, his voice full of adoration. 

Spencer beamed up at him, a small blush forming on his cheeks. Derek then put the paper down in front of him, and he got to work. He stuck the planets all over the piece of paper, creating quite a masterpiece of a galaxy. Every couple minutes, he would discuss the stickers with the pair of men as they watched him, and even let them stick some on too. He left the pack of pacifiers and bottle alone, letting it sit beside them in the bag idly. Though Aaron did catch him looking at it a few times as he played, and he figured he was probably thinking it over in his head if he should grab it or not. He wanted to offer the items to him, but he knew they should take all this slow, so he didn't get too overwhelmed.

Spencer, finally, was _actually_ happy. And his caregiver?

Well, he was over the moon.


	6. PRETENSE FIC POSTED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Check below for explanation

Alaska is on permanent hiatus pretty sure, so let me direct you guys to the new pretense to this fic: 

[WHELVE: A PRETENSE TO "ALASKA"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29215749)

I would like to thank all of you for the feedback, and give you a huge apology that I have such a low attention span- I love you all!

**Author's Note:**

> I usually don't do intro chapters but here we are lol  
> also, don't @ me on the grammar I'm rusty


End file.
